Imposter Syndrome Appreciation Post

I love being uncomfortable.

Today is Friday, but yesterday felt like Friday, and Wednesday felt like Thursday. Did anyone else feel this way? Either way, today is actually Friday and the sun is out and I’m sitting at Maman in TriBeCa waiting for my farro bowl while the family of tourists next to me watches me type because they’ve never seen a woman confidently sit by herself in a restaurant with a laptop and a pile of books. “About You” by The 1975 is playing—they must have known I was coming.

Recently, I’ve been working on things that challenge me and put me out of my comfort zone, otherwise known as the recipe for Imposter Syndrome. I think Imposter Syndrome is my favorite syndrome to have (apart from Lucky Girl Syndrome), because to have Imposter Syndrome and feel uncomfortable every now and then means you’re doing something right. I wouldn’t have many of the friends and connections I have today if I hadn’t pushed myself to go to more parties and events in 2022, even if I only knew one person there. It can be easy to back out of plans citing “I don’t know anyone” as your excuse to cancel, but as they say, you miss 100% of the friends you don’t make. (That’s not how it goes, but you get what I’m saying.) During my freshman year of college, I famously met my friend Gaby when we were supposed to go to an M83 concert with our mutual friend who had to cancel at the last minute. Even though the friend canceled, Gaby and I still went together—our first time ever meeting—and now we’re going on 8 years of friendship. (She texted me this week to make sure I was marked safe from the guy who’s been punching women all over New York City. Confirming I am safe.) If I had backed out from going to the M83 show, using “but I don’t know the other girl” as an excuse, I would’ve never become friends with Gaby and wouldn’t be receiving heartwarming texts when there’s a Crazy Punching Man on the loose. “i still have your location i know where you are (not threatening)” — Thank you, Gab<3

I think that putting yourself into certain situations can be scary, and I’m not saying we should be showing up alone to everything always. (That’s probably not safe anyway. Maybe bring a friend.) I do, however, feel that you reach a certain point—whether that be in your 20s, or once you’ve hit a certain anniversary in whatever city you moved to, or once you’ve gotten out of a toxic relationship—when something clicks and you realize that A) no one is really watching and B) being uncomfortable might actually be a good thing. I had a conversation about this with a friend I met in the city through… Instagram? I don’t even remember, but all I know is that I admitted I thought he and his friends seemed cool on social media and he admitted the same about me. I remember during our conversation, he said to me, “You’re so, like, authentic though. You remind me of a TV show character or something. I appreciate that you’ll just talk to anyone.” I think that’s because in 2022, something clicked when I started meeting more people downtown who share the same interests as me and I thought I live here too. I work in fashion and love music and read and write just like all these people—I have a right to be here just as much as anybody else. Even though I don’t have a music project myself doesn’t mean I can’t be making friends in the green room at Baby’s All Right!!!!!! And even if you don’t work in fashion and you don’t love music (crazy, sorry) and you don’t read and write, you have a right to take up space when others are doing the same.

This past October, I had the opportunity to attend a salon (historical definition: a regular social gathering of eminent people, especially writers and artists, at the house of a woman prominent in high society) organized by Danya Issawi, a fashion writer at The Cut, and more notably, a dear friend of mine whom I feel very lucky to have met through a mutual friend in 2022. Danya was co-hosting the salon with the founders of Diem, a social search engine inspired by how women talk. (They describe it as Reddit x your girls group chat x ChatGPT, a fantastic description.) The topic of the evening was girlhood. I remember walking into the room—a chic and cozy living room in a garden-level apartment under a gorgeous brownstone in Brooklyn Heights—and thinking, All of these women are writers and have their writing published and have good style and seem so cool and I don’t know that I can bring much to the table in this room. Since I was slightly late, I didn’t have much time to introduce myself to everyone before the discussion began, so I grabbed a drink and sat down next to an unfamiliar face who soon introduced herself as Georgia. We chatted for a bit and I immediately felt at ease. Women are amazing. Danya announced that we should start, so we all finished our conversations and turned our attention to Emma, one of the founders of Diem, who explained the purpose of the evening and passed it back to Danya. We all went around and introduced ourselves, saying our names and who we were and what we do and whatever else seemed relevant. The feeling in the room was warm. We were engaged with each other. We all belonged there, I realized. I was invited just like the rest of the women who were there, and by the end of the night, they were oohing and ahhing over my Coach bag and asking if we could follow each other on Instagram and Actually Hang Out Sometime. It reminded me that my feelings of Imposter Syndrome and yearning for connections with others are often shared. Pushing myself to go to events where I don’t know anyone other than the host is a good thing.

Parties aren’t for everyone; I realize that. I also am aware that I’m more extroverted than a lot of people, and sometimes putting yourself out there is easier said than done. I do think, however, it’s important to push yourself to make connections with people you admire and think are cool and share interests with, even if you haven’t spent time together in a social context before. My work friends (who are now my real friends) are an example of this. Sydney, who was my summer intern in 2022, is one of the coolest people I’ve ever met, and I know she secretly thinks the same about me. I knew I wanted to be friends with her outside of work, but how do you make it known that you’re not trying to be the weird boss who wants to go out with her intern?? Well, Sydney bravely took that step for us both when she invited me to the Harry Styles concert with her toward the end of her internship that summer. Now Syd works for Coach full-time and lives on my street and is coming to Easter brunch with my family on Sunday. Forever grateful for that Harry Styles ticket.

My challenge for everyone, including myself, is to ask someone you admire to get coffee, to invite that cool new girl at the office to come to the party, to ask a friend if they’ll connect you with their editor because you want to write for the magazine too, to sit alone in the café while the family of tourists stares at you on your laptop, to be uncomfortable more.

On Monday, I’m starting a new job at Coach in a new category on a new team, and I’m so excited to be uncomfortable. (Sneakerhead era incoming!!!!!!)

Do something crazy this weekend!!!!!! Happy Easter to those who celebrate<3 And thank you for 200 subscribers! I promise to write more!!!!

xoxoxox

Disclaimer: LoF Radio is country-themed this week. This ain’t Texas.

talking about girlhood with a bunch of people i just met. photo by samantha hillman