Using what I have

And that includes pantry items.

A few weeks before Christmas, I had dinner at Dame in Greenwich Village with two of my best friends. Every year before the holidays, the three of us have dinner at this same restaurant in my neighborhood and talk about the year that’s passed and the year ahead. Things we accomplished. Things we wish we accomplished. Our plans for the holidays. Our plans for the future. New Year’s resolutions, of course. It’s one of my favorite ‘holiday traditions’ because it’s a dinner where I can reflect and deliberate my thoughts with two people who know me better than I know myself (and this is all conducted over oysters and squid skewers and the best fish & chips you can find in Manhattan).

A lot had changed since our dinner a year prior, but one thing I couldn’t help but notice was that we didn’t really have as many New Year’s resolutions as we had in the past—or at least I didn’t. I’d been trying to come up with a my list a few hours before our dinner, and I somewhat did. “Wear my retainer” is always one of them (and I’ve actually been doing it this year). I also typically have certain writing goals, but there didn’t seem to be one resolution in particular screaming out at me. Maybe this just meant that we’d been growing. Maybe this just meant that I was headed in the right direction and could continue working on my resolutions from last year. (Or maybe it meant something totally different and that I’m just delusional.) At some point during dinner, after one glass of red and several glasses of water, I left the table to use the restroom. As I was washing my hands, I noticed a little framed piece of paper next to the sink with three quotes. I don’t remember what two of them said, but one stuck out at me: use what you have.

It’s been over a month since our dinner at Dame, and I haven’t stopped thinking about that quote. I’d heard that sentence before, of course, but the fact that it was spelled out in front of me on that particular evening was a sign to me. There is nothing I need that I don’t already have.

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When I returned to the city after the holidays, I made a vow to myself not to buy things I don’t need. I cleaned out my closets and rediscovered silky black tops and pants that make my legs look longer and a Stella McCartney dress I’ve never worn. I cleaned out my pantry and took inventory. (Like, why do I have 3 different bags of quinoa and why am I paying for quinoa at my-company’s-cafeteria-that-should-be-free when I can make my own quinoa and bring it to work?) I found sumac and tahini and hydration multipliers and hot chocolate mix. I cleaned out under my bathroom sink and deconstructed the fragile mountain of beauty products and perfume samples and unopened Band-Aid boxes and that Beambo lip plumper tool which was Totally A Scam.

I’ve been bringing my own coffee to work. (It tastes so much better.)

In doing all of this, I thought about the rapid pace of the fashion trend cycle. The beauty trend cycle. The fucking food trend cycle. (If you haven’t read Emily’s and my Winter Ins and Outs, describing food as “viral” is out. Let food be thy medicine, and LET FOOD BE FOOD.) There’s a forced pressure around consumption, especially at the beginning of the year, and I feel as though I’m noticing it more than ever.

I get text messages

and emails

and subway ads

and Instagram ads

and ads on NPR.

KICKSTART THE NEW YEAR WITH

a new subscription

a new skincare routine

a new pair of boots

a new workout set (free gift with purchase!)

a new lip plumping tool (SCAM!!!)

a new body.

I’ve decided that what I have right now is enough. I have the food in my pantry, and if I really need something, I’ll buy it. (But if it’s something like quinoa, I’ll check if I have it first.) I have the clothes in my closet and the Stella McCartney dress I’m going to wear soon, and I’ll find new ways of wearing the things I’ve already worn. I have my friends who come over to drink tea and sit on my sofa with me and talk about how they predicted so much during Conclave, but I predicted so much during The Brutalist and maybe that doesn’t mean that the movies were predictable it just means we’ve been watching too many movies.

God, the movies. I have the movies.

I have my bookshelves and I have Patti Smith and I have A Little Life to re-read when I’m ready. I have recipes bookmarked in cookbooks with my handwriting in the margins and chocolate fingerprints on the pages.

I have music. I have The Sundays and Joni Mitchell and my JANUARY IS AWESOME playlist, because January is awesome. I have Barry White vinyls passed down from my dad and his siblings that I just know my neighbors are dying to hear.

I have this space to create and share writing even if it’s Not Long Enough to my standards but it still counts as Writing More.

I have New York.

I have love.

I have everything.

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Hiiiiiii! Thank you for reading :) I feel like it’s been a while lol. I hope everyone’s new year is off to a wonderful start, and I can’t wait to share more writing in 2025. I hope this essay inspired you to use what you have!!!!! You have more than you think. x