Everything Everywhere All at Once
We all need to be doing less.
Recently, I was sitting on the blue velvet sofa in my living room, facing my television, excited to watch Inside Llewyn Davis (2013), a film that’s been on my Letterboxd watchlist for quite some time now. As I was waiting for my TV to load at a sloth’s pace, my eyes innately glanced at my instruments to the right of my TV—a Taylor acoustic-electric guitar that is the nicest gift Santa ever brought me, a RockJam 61-key keyboard piano I bought from a nice lady on Facebook Marketplace, an MPK midi controller that I got for Christmas last year, and a turquoise Daisy Rock electric guitar that I’ve had since I was thirteen and is covered in stickers on the back (my pride and joy). My inner monologue as I waited for the TV to load was as follows:
I haven’t played my instruments in a while which makes me sad, but how am I supposed to play my instruments and also work my full-time job and also work out 5-6 days a week and also cook meals and also bake cakes and also freelance write and also babysit on the weekends and also keep my apartment clean and also walk 10,000 steps every day and also learn Italian and also call my grandma and also write a children’s book and also read books (but also read magazines and articles and my friends’ newsletters and Vogue Runway) and also watch movies (once my TV loads) and also listen to music and also go to shows and also keep up with my friends and also try new restaurants and also go thrifting and also clean out my closet and also go to museums and also get 8 hours of sleep and also explore new neighborhoods and also
Do you see what I’m saying?
Part of me wonders whether this type of pressure to do everything existed before the rise of social media. My mom often says to me, “You’re so well-rounded. I don’t know how you do it. When I was your age, I didn’t even know how to boil water!” (I think the last part is an exaggeration, but it makes me feel better about having to google the temperature for perfectly roasted carrots last week.)
When I mention social media in this context, I’m alluding to more than just Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, etc. Today, we have apps like Goodreads for logging your books, Letterboxd for logging your movies, and Beli for logging your restaurants. We have Spotify for listening to music, and on the web version, you can see what music your friends are listening to and click into their profiles to view their playlists. Even the way we transfer money to our friends becomes a social activity through Venmo. There are so many other apps with social network aspects embedded, even though that isn’t their main function. The social aspect of these apps incentivizes users to utilize them more because they’re able to compare their experiences to those of their friends.
Lately, it seems like every time I do something, I have to log it in an app. The other night, I went to dinner with a friend, logging and ranking the restaurant on Beli. When I came home, I watched a movie which I then logged and reviewed in Letterboxd. Before bed, I started a new book, which I logged in Goodreads, thus removing it from my Want to Read list and into my Currently Reading list. Am I aware that this is a choice and no one is making me do this? Yes, however, I do enjoy keeping track of my media consumption and writing reviews for what I consume. Before these apps existed, I was already logging these activities in my Notes app, and for my restaurant list, in an Excel spreadsheet (which had been shared with 62 people) which became a Hot Mess. These social apps are a way to interact with other people who share similar tastes, while also discovering new things that you might enjoy but previously had not heard of. To a certain extent, using social media is a way to meet people through these shared tastes and build friendships that you may not have had the opportunity to build organically. Again, when I’m talking about social media here, I don’t just mean the typical networks you might be thinking of. I’ve discovered so much music through following my friends on Spotify and listening to their playlists or starting a Spotify Blend with them. Nearly half the movies I watch are from my feed on Letterboxd where I can see what my friends have logged. In a sense, to do what others are doing is to be a part of the zeitgeist. Maybe that’s the problem. Nearly every social app we use feels like a temptation to compare ourselves to our friends and our network. I’ve written it on here before, and I’m not the first one to say it—comparison is the thief of joy. Sometimes, however, this feels easier said than done. I think social networks are beneficial in so many ways—Substack is a perfect example of this!—but at what point do I just let go and relax if I don’t complete my annual 40-book reading challenge on Goodreads? (I’ll complete it though, don’t worry.)
Over the past weekend, I visited friends in San Francisco and decided to treat myself to a pedicure while I was there, something I rarely do in New York because (A) it’s expensive, (B) I can paint my own toenails, and (C) I find getting a pedicure in New York to be a stressful experience. As I was sitting in the plush chair looking out at the passersby on Polk Street in SF’s Russian Hill neighborhood, I thought to myself how I hadn’t felt that relaxed in so long. When I got back to my friend Valerie’s apartment and she asked how my pedicure was, we both laughed when my response was, “Oh it was amazing I had multiple epiphanies.” I visit California twice a year, and every time I visit, I have “multiple epiphanies.”
I think that collectively, we need to be doing less. (Maybe this doesn’t apply to you if you’re lazy—I really can’t speak for everyone—but I personally need to be doing less.) There’s a lot of pressure to be “on” 24/7: to progress in your career, to stay literarily sharp and tapped into prominent media, to explore your city, to see the world, to stay in shape, to know pop culture references, to listen to every new album and every talked-about podcast, to dress well, to present yourself well, to attend every party. To be consistent in general. Another thing I re-realized while I was having my pedicure epiphanies is that I know what I like, and I know what’s important to me. I left the bar on Friday night by myself so that I could go back to my friends’ apartment to livestream Lana Del Rey’s Coachella set because I’d rather be watching live music (even if on a TV) than drinking at a bar. That’s something I’ve always known about myself and something my friends accept about me, and when I told them I was leaving to go do that, apologizing, Valerie and Erika said “Don’t apologize!!! Have fun! Text us updates!”
Rather than trying to do everything all the time, I think we should start prioritizing more. I half-joked this weekend that I’m having a “Say-No May,” meaning that next month I will not be saying yes to everything the way I normally do. I realized (also in the pedicure chair) that whenever an opportunity is presented to me, I jump to say yes because I’m an inherently passionate person who loves socializing and pushing myself out of my comfort zone (see also: Imposter Syndrome Appreciation Post), but much of that comes with territory. It’s probably a result of the “fear of missing out” (a.k.a. FOMO) idea that was popularized in recent years, where we feel like if we miss out on something, especially if we had the opportunity to be there, it will end up crippling us with regret and sadness and even guilt of not being there. No more of this! It’s better to prioritize doing things that actually matter and that will have more of a positive impact in the long run, thus making them feel more worthwhile.
I started writing this in late March in New York, and as I finish it, it’s mid-April and I’ve just left the West Coast. Sometimes we need to leave what’s familiar in order to discover what’s important to us. That said, I can’t wait to get back to New York and host my best friend’s birthday dinner party this weekend and wear a pretty dress and share a meal with friends and bake a homemade cake and let my friends keep their shoes on in my apartment because it’s a Special Occasion.
It’s FOMO-Free Summer. Welcome to the party.
Things I Know I Like From The Last Few Weeks:
Thank you for reading<3 Appreciate all the love xoxox
Okay now i FELT this!! I am awful at just being because i constantly think there is a better use of my time — i could be creating or learning or spending time with someone or reading and it just goes on!! And it is sometimes exhausting!! Like girl chill, you will not miss your whole life by taking a few things slower. Mr Ferris Bueller had some points
Love this - I recently said no to doing a yoga class with a good friend because I realized that I'm terrible at yoga and I have no desire to get better at it at the moment. So, although previous me would have cringed at saying no to someone, present me happily slept in and met that friend for coffee afterwards. Trying to do more of this, this year!