I'm Focusing on Summer

Lessons I learned this May and the joy of missing out.

If there’s one thing I’m gonna do, it’s my own thing.

I had this thought about two weeks ago when I was walking home to Greenwich Village from Boerum Hill—a 1.5-hour walk—over the Brooklyn Bridge listening to Depeche Mode in the rain with no umbrella. I just wanted to get some steps in and had nowhere else to be. I can do whatever I want.

At the end of April, I shared my thoughts on feeling the pressure to do everything all the time in my essay Everything Everywhere All at Once and was shocked by how well received it was. (As it turns out, I’m not the only one who feels this pressure!) In that piece, I shared my belief that rather than trying to do everything all the time, we need to start prioritizing more. Deciding what we don’t want to do allows us the time to focus on the things we do want to do. It can be challenging to know what that means for yourself, especially when you live in the greatest city in the world with its endless plethora of restaurants and concerts and museums and parties and galleries and friend-of-a-friend’s DJ sets and friend’s neighbor’s underground raves and stoop sales and store openings and events with free sponsored beverages but only if you agree to be in this TikTok. (Speaking from personal experience.) As someone who is inherently passionate and overzealous, I have an unhealthy tendency to say yes to everything at the first point of presentation, and naturally, this can lead to burnout. I think this realization hit me like a punch when I was having my epiphanic pedicure at DAT Nail Salon in San Francisco in April, and that was when I decided to change my habits. During the month of May, I really challenged myself to say “no” more. I do NOT need to attend every party and I do NOT need to say yes to every networking call and I do NOT need to go to every group dinner. I’m busy enough as it is, and saying no to some of these things has allowed me the time to focus on the things I truly want to put my efforts into, like getting a good night’s sleep and going for a long walk with an old friend and finishing the novel I’ve been wanting to read for months. I also realized that I do not in fact get FOMO from saying no. If anything, I get JOMO (the Joy of Missing Out). JOMO is awesome. More JOMO.

As I head into June, I’m giddy with the excitement of a little kid at the end of the school year. I love summer. I have always loved summer and the feeling of lightness that it brings. I love smelling sunscreen on the person in front of me in line at the store. I love waking up on a Saturday and packing my bag with a book and a beach blanket and a portable charger, not knowing where the day will take me, and not arriving home until the sun has set and I’ve worn down the soles of my boots. (Yes, I still wear boots in the summer, but I’m working on this. I ordered a new pair of Coach sneakers this morning.) I love how humid it gets in New York—I don’t mind slicking my hair back. Sweating is fun!

Since I was in middle school, I’ve created a summer bucket list for myself. As a kid, I would write down each list item on a piece of paper and toss them into a glass mason jar, thus randomizing the list. At the beginning of each day, I would cover my eyes and choose a piece of paper from the jar, and then I’d force my babysitter and my younger brother to do whatever was on the list with me. (Items ranged from “bake a cake” to “try using the ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’ button on Google” — it really wasn’t that serious). To this day, I continue to create a bucket list for myself at the beginning of summer, but now it exists in my handy dandy Notes app. Notable items from this year’s list include “bike to the MET Cloisters” and “solo dine at the bar at Torrisi.” (That will be a very special Lunch on Friday.) I also want to try doing flying trapeze at Pier 40 like Carrie does in Season 6 Episode 8 of Sex and the City. I am confident that years of dance classes and cheerleading and Pilates have prepared me for this—I’ll let you know how it goes.

Another thing I learned in May, which I already knew but have reinforced, is that you can literally do anything. You can do whatever you want. Anytime you want to. Seriously! I mean it !!!!! My friend JC and I were sitting in Washington Square Park the other night talking about how in high school we would say I want to work in X industry in New York, and then we did it. “I could jump into the fountain right now if I wanted to,” I said out loud. JC didn’t think that was a good idea. Pending.

For the next 3 months, I’m focusing on summer. I’m checking everything off my bucket list, with or without companions. (Anyone is welcome to join, though!)

I’m keeping this short because it’s 76° and sunny and the UV is a 5 and I’ve just started a new book that Emily let me borrow and I’m going to go tan with Sydney in the park (because getting really tan is also on my bucket list as it has been since 2007) and then I’m going to get Roey’s happy hour spritzes with Anne and Jack (because that’s on our shared summer bucket list). Lots to check off.

HAGS! xo

as found in the arts & crafts closet of my childhood home last weekend